I was laying in bed, as I’ve already mentioned, and was thinking of writing a blog about dating assholes and what I would want to say in said blog. I still haven’t figured that part out yet, but I’ve started blogging so I’d better come up with something good.

I guess we should start by defining an asshole, apart from the obvious medical definition and anatomical reference point.

An asshole is someone so completely disagreeable to oneself that they call the offender by sphincter which releases feces from the body.

Dating this offender, this…. asshole, is no easy task. If I could I’d post a survey on myspace asking for people to write in some of the worst offenses committed by these blackguards. By all means, should you have some jot them down in comments left to this post and I’ll publish the more horrific.

I myself have been subject to such an orifice. Picture it: New Years Eve 2005-06. We were supposed to go to my brothers birthday dinner and so trudged through the newly falling snow and hopped in his (the asshole’s) mini cooper. The piece of shit didn’t make it down the street before we had to turn back. I very nicely suggested that we stay at home rather than kill ourselves in the process. So back we headed till my brave asshole ex and his fabulous mini cooper couldn’t make it up the first mild incline. We were, luckily, less than a mile from home and I got out to push the car. I didn’t know I would have to push it the entire way up the freakin’ hill! But I did. 400 ft. to the top of the hill, thinking with every step of the nice warm house we had to go back to, how prettily I decorated it, what a nice cup of hot chocolate I was going to make myself and my asshole when we got back. 300 ft to the top and we were nearer the summit which was all the separated us from the downhill slope to the driveway and home. Home, that blessed word! My fingernails were as blue as my lips, my palms kept sticking to the frozen frame of the shit sled called a mini, and the air I was breathing was so cold my lungs would spasm at the affront making me cough continuously in response. But thank God, my asshole was warm. Warm and safe in the mini grumbling about how long this was taking. Then we reached the top. I felt the weight of the car taken from my back, my shoulders, my arms, and a little skin taken from my palms where they had once again frozen to the frame of the shit sled called a mini. I started around the “car” to the passenger door to ride in comfort the 200 ft left to the house when my asshole drove away. I sat in the freezing snow, on the dark street, on New Years Eve, watching my asshole, supposedly the man who loves me, drive his crappy car down hill to his house after I just pushed it up the hill, and run inside to be warm cause the car hadn’t heated up to his specifications. My asshole didn’t even wait for me while I trudged down the road and up the path to the house. That’s when he became, the asshole.

Just wanted to share that with y’all. I might come back and add on to this one. Who knows? The asshole knows….. the asshole always knows…….

That being said, I wish to begin my blog site with one of the changes in my life. That’s a hard subject for me since the changes in my life have not been easy.

I met Maryellen, God…, years ago. I was hanging out with my friend Mondo and we used to go to the Dietz diner despite the fact that I hated the food there because the “Irish Chicks” as Jess and Sharon were known in our neck of the woods, worked there. After they quit the diner Mondo wanted to go there one more time and we met Maryellen. She made us laugh and became a huge part of our life. She was the dove of our little holy trinity. Ok, maybe she was more of a pigeon but still 1/3rd of our “incorporation”. We’ve been through really great times, as well as some horrible nightmares. All in all, I think I’ve known Maryellen for at least nine years now. Then she up and left. She moved to Florida expecting that her life would change, that the sorrow and depression she felt here but never told us about would disappear. She was also riding the joy of a new experience which was wrapped up in a personality that she felt was a kindred spirit. So let’s do the math. Kingston equals a depressed state of being, combined with old memories, ghosts, and shades and the inability to find a step up from the poverty of both mind as well as the wallet. Compared to that an equation factoring in new experiences, new horizons, new relationships, and new possibilities outweighs all sorts of stuff. So She packed up her shit and her kids and left for Florida.

Approximately four years ago I met Victor. Our relationship was rocky in the beginning to say the least. Imagine two hurt and broken people meeting and trying to deal with each others faults and flaws while at the same time trying to build a life which included the other. It was a constructive and deconstructive melee which led to a tenuous bonding with joys and hopes held in the balance. Of course fears and insecurities were also held just as tightly, if not more. Then suddenly I awoke one day to realize that the love I had for him couldn’t battle anymore against the stress, anger, fears, etc. in which I was living. I couldn’t change him, nor could I be happy if he didn’t change. The acceptance that I tried to bring wasn’t returned and finally I no longer wanted to be there. My heart hurt and I felt more twisted than I had ever felt in my life. I left as a matter of survival and even when the twinges of sentimentalism hit me I realize that it was the right move.

Change comes in our life to remind us of our mortality, stagnancy only reminds us of our impending death. A thing that doesn’t move knows nothing but of it’s own environment. Life demands growth and growth demands change. Not all of it is good, that’s an accepted truth, but I feel it needs to be said even if just for me. I’m in a state of flux at the moment and have gotten used to the ebb and rise of the large illusion we live in.

As I’ve said I had no aspirations when I began writing this and my purpose was only to speak shortly on two large changes I’ve felt in my life. Thanks for reading and/or commenting on this.

That is all…