Despite the biblical reference in the title, this particular blog has no lofty aspirations. I can offer no assurances that the blogs to come won’t be either insightful commentaries on their topics, or trite musings of a simple peon spewing forth madness and insanity no more entertaining than an hours long marathon of The View. Either way I make no apologies nor want your applause.
That being said, I wish to begin my blog site with one of the changes in my life. That’s a hard subject for me since the changes in my life have not been easy.
I met Maryellen, God…, years ago. I was hanging out with my friend Mondo and we used to go to the Dietz diner despite the fact that I hated the food there because the “Irish Chicks” as Jess and Sharon were known in our neck of the woods, worked there. After they quit the diner Mondo wanted to go there one more time and we met Maryellen. She made us laugh and became a huge part of our life. She was the dove of our little holy trinity. Ok, maybe she was more of a pigeon but still 1/3rd of our “incorporation”. We’ve been through really great times, as well as some horrible nightmares. All in all, I think I’ve known Maryellen for at least nine years now. Then she up and left. She moved to Florida expecting that her life would change, that the sorrow and depression she felt here but never told us about would disappear. She was also riding the joy of a new experience which was wrapped up in a personality that she felt was a kindred spirit. So let’s do the math. Kingston equals a depressed state of being, combined with old memories, ghosts, and shades and the inability to find a step up from the poverty of both mind as well as the wallet. Compared to that an equation factoring in new experiences, new horizons, new relationships, and new possibilities outweighs all sorts of stuff. So She packed up her shit and her kids and left for Florida.
Approximately four years ago I met Victor. Our relationship was rocky in the beginning to say the least. Imagine two hurt and broken people meeting and trying to deal with each others faults and flaws while at the same time trying to build a life which included the other. It was a constructive and deconstructive melee which led to a tenuous bonding with joys and hopes held in the balance. Of course fears and insecurities were also held just as tightly, if not more. Then suddenly I awoke one day to realize that the love I had for him couldn’t battle anymore against the stress, anger, fears, etc. in which I was living. I couldn’t change him, nor could I be happy if he didn’t change. The acceptance that I tried to bring wasn’t returned and finally I no longer wanted to be there. My heart hurt and I felt more twisted than I had ever felt in my life. I left as a matter of survival and even when the twinges of sentimentalism hit me I realize that it was the right move.
Change comes in our life to remind us of our mortality, stagnancy only reminds us of our impending death. A thing that doesn’t move knows nothing but of it’s own environment. Life demands growth and growth demands change. Not all of it is good, that’s an accepted truth, but I feel it needs to be said even if just for me. I’m in a state of flux at the moment and have gotten used to the ebb and rise of the large illusion we live in.
As I’ve said I had no aspirations when I began writing this and my purpose was only to speak shortly on two large changes I’ve felt in my life. Thanks for reading and/or commenting on this.
That is all…
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